I struggled to post this one, that’s why I’ve been ignoring my Wednesday schedule posting. Not because I’m ashamed, or regret, but because I don’t want to deal with backlash. People think they know a persons heart when they don’t. They think what they see is true when sometimes, it isn’t. I’m not real BIG on sharing allot of personal things because that just opens the door for judging. Not that I care if I’m judged. My child is just my social media friend … and people rather assume than come to the person to have adult chats and I do not have patients for the crap that the human race is capable of spewing. However I share my ramblings because I know it could help someone else in my situation. Yes, it makes me vulnerable, but oh well.
It’s been a bit since I’ve updated. Mainly because I have been going through some changes, and trying to figure out how to make them make since. When I first started this blog it was honestly to record my ramblings! I’m good at rambling I’m however not good at keeping up with things. I need to change that.
Anywho here’s the update.
I decided to close my relationship. Not because anything bad happened, I just realized polyamory isn’t for me. Not because anything bad happened, or rules and trust were broken but because I realized that its not what I wanted, and I have been covering up a strong desire to leave an unromantic relationship. that I was honestly trying my hardest to keep together for the sake of our child. That’s not healthy for nobody. The child, the adults, just bad for everyone.
We are better friends than anything. I still and will always support Justin because at the end of the day, he’s my sons father, my friend. We have just grown apart and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean either of us failed at the relationship or marriage, it just means we’ve grown apart. It’s not like it happened over night … it has been a over the years type thing. I just ignored it because A I didn’t know how my child would react and I wanted to keep things as normal as possible. He’s on the spectrum and I was not sure how to explain things to him where he didn’t feel he was the blame. I did however explain things to him, and he knows he’s not the blame. He knows he’s still loved by all, and nothing will change that. So, that makes me happy. My son is happy and thanked me for being real with him. My 13 year old said you shouldn’t do something in order to keep someone else happy when you are unhappy. If you tried and gave it your all its not failure it is realizing you need to step out of your comfort and try a different path. B; I didn’t want people blaming Chad for our breakup. Chad had absolutely nothing to do with it. He always supported whatever I decided as long as its legal he supports me. He’s been my best friend for 14 years. I can’t control what people think and how people feel, I can only control what I know and I know the truth. People will talk no matter what though. C; Didn’t want people thinking it was because Justin was a monster. He’s not a monster, we just grew apart as romantic partners 2 years into our marriage and we’ve tried everything to fix it. Some things in life just not meant to be and that’s okay.
He’s still polyamorous, and I still 100 percent support him. I still stand by him! I still and will always stand by him as a friend.
It’s funny how life works itself out. Justin has a few partners and he’s happy. I just have one partner and I’m happy.
June 11 2022 Chad and I had our public wedding. It was beautiful! Everything flowed oh so well together. It was a tad bit hot … okay more than a tad bit hot, but it was fantastic! To have the families Blessing is a blessing. My mother in law, father in law, step mother in law, and sister in law were such great blessings. Without them we could not have had the beautiful ceremony we had. They put everything together, supported our crazy, and it was just beautiful.
We danced to “Dance with Me” by Caleb and Kelsey. We cut the cake together, my mother-in-law made the most beautiful bouquet that I get to keep yay!!!!!! The food was amazing, and those that celebrated with us was fantastic.
I couldn’t ask for more honestly. I’m Blessed.
I’ve also found that I’m happier when I focus on my Prayer life, studying my Bible and following Christ. I missed my Catholic roots! I’m glad I listened to the Spirit instead of continuously pushing it away because I didn’t think I was worthy enough for it. Things just fall into place when guided by the Spirit. Now, we can focus more on trying for a baby. That would be a great Blessing.
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